Not Another What if
by DaniSue
Summary: Yes, actually it is another what if story, only different. Wow, sure sounds like just another what if story. It's about what would have happened if Joren was allowed to be Kel's sponsor.Ch.12! FINALLY!. KJ!
1. Default Chapter

A/N – Yet another "What if…" story, only this one is about what might have happened if Neal hadn't volunteered to be Kel's sponsor, and Lord Wyldon had granted Joren's request.

"You are her sponsor then, now, on to dinner," Lord Wyldon ordered, and the boys filed out to the dining hall behind him. 

Joren smiled at Keladry and motioned for her to follow him. Kel eyed him wearily; already she knew that he was not planning on making things easy for her. 

"See that stairway?" he pointed. "That will get you to all the classrooms."

"But it goes down!" Kel protested. 

"Excuse me, but you've been at the palace for how long? A day? Hardly that," Joren snapped, and Kel made a note not to take those stairs.

They were the last to enter the crowded, noisy room. Kel followed Joren to the food line, and, quite stupidly took all the dishes that Joren advised her to and set them on her plate. Somehow, she didn't notice that all the other pages had specifically avoided them. She followed him to a table that also seated 3 other boys. 

"Keladry, these are my friends. Zahir ibn Alhaz (sp?), Garvey of Runnerspring, and Vinson of Genlith." All three gave her empty, plotting smiles. She smiled back nervously as she sat down. They were halted from further conversation by Lord Wyldon, clearing his throat loudly from a podium on the dais. The pages and squires silenced and stood. After Lord Wyldon had finished they took their seats again. Kel watched suspiciously as the 4 boys she sat with grinned at each other, but kept her feelings to herself as usual. 

"So, Keladry, are you enjoying your first day here?" Garvey smirked at her. 

"Not particularly."

"Well, perhaps the next four years will be better," he replied, still exchanging looks with the other boys. 

**A few days later:**

Joren, his cronies, and Kel were supposed to be doing their homework in Joren's room. Instead, the boys were ordering Kel around. 

"Oh, Keladry, could you fetch me the third volume of the Life and Times of King Jasson the first?" 

"You already have the first two volumes," Kel said, trying to remain calm through gritted teeth.

"Yes, but the answer I need is in the third volume," Joren smiled sweetly. For about the twentieth time Kel jogged off to the library.

As she returned, she began to coach herself. Kel, you cannot put up with this. You never let people push you around! How are you going to be a knight when you let stupid guys order you around? Her courage growing, she walked with confidence into Joren's room. 

Slamming the book on the table in front of him, Kel, very unlike her usual self, voiced her frustration.

"Look, I appreciate you volunteering to sponsor me, but I don't recall the word slave in the job description!"

Joren's ice blue eyes blazed with anger and satisfaction. "What did you say, _probationary_ page?" he demanded. 

"Stop ordering me the hell around!" Kel burst out in spite of herself. Kel. To angry to think her actions through, had not anticipated the boys' reaction. She certainly had not expected the punch squarely to her eye or the knee to her stomach. Bent over and gasping for breath, Kel looked up into Joren's seemingly happy eyes. 

"Do not try us _girl,_ we can do much worse," he warned. 

Kel stumbled out the door and scrambled to her room, unsure of what to do. The thought occurred to her to burst into tears and throw herself onto the bed, but was promptly thrown out. What would the Lioness do? She wouldn't let a jerk like Joren get in her way. And neither would Kel. 

A/N – This is just the very beginning, and will be continued if any of you so desire. However, I won't know if you want me to continue unless you REVIEW! Probably won't go K/J romance, unless that's what you want. But, you have to TELL me, REVIEW!


	2. Memories

A/N - Reviews dictate a K/J romance, so I will oblige in the next few chapters. Might include an alternate non K/J romance ending as well. We'll see. For now, let's get on to the second chapter, shall we?

Ch.2 - Revolt

Several weeks has passed, and despite numerous attempts, Keladry of Mindelan had yet to break her sponsor of his terrorizing campaign against her. While the thought of going to Lord Wyldon had crossed her mind, she recalled her brother Anders' advice and thought better of it. She would handle this alone, with violence it need be. 

The other pages seemed unaware or unconcerned with Kel's treatment, and Kel was sure that some of them most be applauding Joren, for that matter. No help there. Although, the green-eyed Nealan of Queenscove has thrown some friendly smiles her way. He didn't seem like the brawling type, and Joren kept her to busy with his chores and petty errands to allow her any time for socializing. 

"Keladry, where is the food I demanded? How do you expect me to study on an empty stomach?" Joren had long since given up on any formalities whatsoever, and crushed all of Kel's resistances with punishing blows, often assisted by his pals. 

"I've got homework of my own, Joren. I see you have two hands, get it yourself. Oh, but wait, you wouldn't want to break a nail, would you?" (very Un-Kel like, I know, but a few weeks around Joren would do that to her I think) she replied, careful to keep her face Yamani-smooth. 

A swift kick sent the girl to the floor. She looked up into Joren's chillingly beautiful face. "I warned you once, _girl, _don't mess with me," he said through gritted teeth. 

"You think I'm going to let you get away with this? You think I'm going to let you push me around, treat me like dirt? You don't own me, Joren, you don't have the right to tell me what to do! I'll do as I damn well please!" 

Too distracted by Kel's uncommon outburst of anger, Joren did not see the fist coming until it had slammed him directly in the face. Getting onto her knees, she dragged him out of the chairand pushed him onto the floor. "Apologize to me. Now," she demanded, the force of her words shocking her as well as him. 

"Never!" he resisted, and with lightning speed reversed the situation so that Kel was the one lying on the floor, held down by his strong arms. "My my my, but what spirit you have! I must admit, I admire it," a quick smile passed over his face. "But that doesn't change the fact that you have no right here!" Kel struggled against him, spat in his face. 

"Why are you like this?" she asked quietly. He stared at her, surprised by the gentle tone of her voice.

"What?"

"Why are you like this?" she repeated. "Joren, why are you so filled with hate?" her hazel eyes searched his, looking for an answer to the question she had wondered for so long. 

Joren was speechless. Kel blurred from his sight, and a new image emerged into his mind's eye. 

__

"Weakness, Joren, weakness! What kind of knight will you be if you can't hold a damn sword! No son of mine will be a weakling, do you hear me? A damn female could use a bloody sword better than you! Do you want that, do you? Defeated by a sniveling, conniving, prissy bitch?" the intimidating blonde man held the cowering boy by the shoulders, shaking him as if his words didn't have enough emphasis.

"Yes, Father."

"You are going to be the best knight in the world, Joren. You hear me! Or by the Gods I'll have naught to do with you!" he shoved the practice sword into the seven year old's hand. "You're a disgrace. I can't even look at you." The man turned and was gone, without a second glance. 

The image cleared, and another took it's place. 

__

The woman looked tiny and insignificant in front of the man she was forced to call husband. "Who do you think you are, bitch! Telling my son not to treat a woman as I do! I'll treat you however I damn well please, piece of trash!" a slap sounded across the woman's tear-stained face. She tried to turn away from him, but he held her, his fingers digging into her flesh. She wanted to run, to grab her little boy and turn his face away so that he not see the punishment his father was inflicting on her. The little boy watched, for the third time this week, as Daddy disciplined Mommy. Mommy did something wrong, he thought. And now she was in trouble. And Mommy was a girl. Girls weren't equal to men, Daddy said. Girls had to be taught there place less they distract men. 

"Joren, please! You're hurting me!" Kel's voice was laced with pain as Joren gripped her arms. 

"Oh, Gods, Kel. I..I'm sorry." He hung his head and let her up. 

"Are you ok?" she asked. She almost sounded concerned, Joren mused. 

"Of course!" Joren brushed the memories aside. "Look, just get out of here. Go!"

"Fine!" She turned, slamming the door behind her. Joren stood and stared at the door even after she had gone. Why had he done that? Why couldn't he be honest with her, and himself? Why couldn't he tell her the truth, that he knew what he was doing was wrong? The thoughts were gone two seconds after they had been born. What did she care? Some stupid girl trying to be a knight? Pretending to care about why he treated women the way he did? His father was right. Wasn't he?

A/N- A little violent, I know. But I needed motivation for Joren. Review please!!


	3. The Dream

A/N - Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Much appreciated. Especially:

Bluebell of Mindelan: Thanks for reading my stories. I'd like to read yours, but I haven't read the Magic Circle books. 

Cami of Queenscove - Thank you so much! I totally forgot that Kel was only 10. I will definitely do something to fix that before any romance happens. 

Keita - Thanks for the reviews! No, I don't hold your sniper remarks against you; they seem to have the whole nations' attention. 

Lady Arabian Knight - Love the enthusiasm! 

Thanks also to Hshuler888, The Dark Lady Adrienne, Free2Bme, Serenity, Squire Kali, Brightnight and Sunny. Glad you like it!

And now, to the story. Is Joren a year older than Kel or 2? It's 2 isn't it? I'll go check. Ok, if he was in his 3rd year when Kel started, he's 2 years older. Right? Well, tell me in you're reviews. For now, he's a squire and she's in her 4th year, for the sake of the story.

Ch.3 

Kel sighed and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Joren should be doing this, not me, she thought as she cleaned the twentieth piece of armor. He was the one who had sent her on some wild goose chase errand, knowing she would be late for class. And you stupidly agreed! She reminded herself. As soon as the roads had thawed though, he would be away with his knight master again. Joren was now a squire, and she a 4th year page. How have I made it this far? She wondered. Joren had not seen fit to lay off the hazing, even after she was no longer a 1st year. 

Of course, she hadn't put up with it without a fight, and the skirmishes became fewer and fewer, until Joren had finally left with his knight-master. But now he was back for Midwinter, his master unable to return north to the Scanran border until the roads cleared. She relished the time when he would be gone, unable to taunt and terrorize her a thousand miles away. She smiled to herself. And she had friends now. She was surprised to find that Joren was not the only person who would keep company with her. Several of the other pages invited her to join their study group. Neal of Queenscove, for one, proved to be an invaluable asset. Of course, they didn't know of Joren's continuing malice toward her. She supposed it was her damned pride that kept her from confessing her torment. 

Pausing, she thought about Joren. Thinking back three years, she recalled the night she had asked Joren why he treated her the way he did, why he was so hateful. She could see clear as day the regretful look in his eyes as he watched a painful memory unfold in his mind. Even then, she had longed to know what he was seeing, to help him deal with it. Just when she thought she had broken through, he pulled away and distanced himself from her. Never again had she come so close to figuring out the boy who made her life miserable, and getting him to open up. But then, she had never asked him the same question. She'd worry about Joren later. 

"Keladry!" a young male voice called. Then again, maybe not. Kel turned to see Joren, handsome as ever in his knight master's colors, striding toward her. 

Kel sighed quietly. "What can I do for you, Squire Joren?" she asked politely. 

"Look, Keladry…" How to say this? How could he possibly admit to her that he was truly sorry for the way he had treated her? How he admired he endurance through all the crap he had done to her? How his father had raised him to believe women were lesser than men? And that her questions had continually returned to haunt him on his bad days for three years? 

"What, Joren?" she asked. 

Joren recognized the look of weary resignation in her eyes. She wanted him to leave her alone. She would never understand, let alone believe him, if he told her the truth. No, better to keep his mouth shut. "Forget it. Enjoy your punishment work. You really should learn to be prompt to class," he sneered. A stab of remorse struck him as painfully as any dagger as he turned and quickly strode out of the room. The remorse was rapidly shoved away and replaced with assurances that he didn't have to explain himself to any stupid, feeble girl. So what, he'd treated her unfairly? She'd survived! She shouldn't have been here anyway! Even to Joren, these justifications were weak, no matter how he tried to believe them. 

_Kel! Oh, Gods Kel! The sky darkened to gray and the ground of the battlefield seemed to Joren completely covered with blood. He stood; paralyzed, watching the wild-eyed, insane enemy descend on the young woman. He could feel his feet under him moving, yet his body seemed unable to reach her. Even as he cried out a warning, he knew it was futile. The enemy's dull axe split into his defenseless victim. Suddenly, too late, Joren found himself able to near Kel. She lay lying on the soiled grass, her face and body a mess of blood and bone. He cradled her to him, two words echoing in his mind. Too late. Too late. Too late. _

Joren gasped and sprung up in his bed. His sheets clung to his sweaty body, and the stillness of the air in the room seemed to choke him. Breathing hard, the images of his dream lingered in his mind. Kel's decapitated body, his own inability to save her, and most cruelly, the final thoughts. Too late. Surely, it had meant nothing? It could not be too late to salvage his relationship with Kel and admit the truth? Tomorrow, he decided tomorrow he would tell her. Absolutely. This time, he slept peacefully. 

A/N - Short I know. Hehehehe. I already know what's going to happen next for once! And it's going to be good, I promise. Review if you want more!!! Otherwise, I might have to keep the next plot twist to myself. 


	4. The Almost Confession

A/N - Thank you to all the reviewers! I know, I really should make you wait, but I can never keep anything to myself. Thanks Shadowcat for the age thing. I'm really not good with minor details, obviously. 

Ch.4 

Joren wiped his sweaty palms against his shirt for the tenth time. He was going to tell Kel today. Admit what had been burdening him for three years. He took a deep breath, staring at the door of his room, not ready to leave it's comforting familiarity. No, he had to do this. He'd simply walk to Kel's room, and knock on her door. She'd open it, and demand to know what he was doing there. He'd rehearsed what he'd say, even wrote it down and shoved it into his pocket in case he forgot. He'd be cool, calm, collected. Impress her with his suave speech, and sweep her off her feet before she had time to deny him. Taking another deep breath, he opened the door and stepped out. 

Do it! Knock on the door, idiot! Joren stood in front of Kel's door in the empty pages' wing. While on the exterior he looked as cool as he had planned, his mind was a whirlwind of arguments. One part demanded that he take the risk, no matter what the outcome. The other urged him to turn and run, forget the whole stupid idea before he made a fool of himself. Be a coward!! Run!! It said. 

He knocked softly on the door before he could lose his nerve. Yay! One side of his head cheered, whereas the other was shamefully silent. (A/N - no, joren does not have little people inside his head telling him what to do, it's just his thoughts) He stood in breathless anticipation as the seconds ticked by. He listened carefully for anything, a footstep, a sigh, anything. She didn't answer. Where was she? 

Listening still, he heard muffled voices. They seemed to be coming from the courtyard. Joren walked swiftly to the window. 

"Kel, I know we said we'd never mention the word "love", but I can't help it. I love you."

"I love you too…Cleon."

Joren's tightly clenched fists turned his knuckles white as he witnessed the exchange between Kel and Cleon. He watched in stunned silence as Cleon put his arms around her and gently kissed her mouth. His first reaction had been to yell, to stop the inevitable and take Kel in _his _arms, hold her close to him. But, in an eerie similarity to the dream, he could not move, could not make a sound. He watched them embrace again, before sprinting back to his room without a backwards glance. And once again, two words echoed in his mind. _Too late. Too late. Too late._

A/N - hehehehe, I'm evil, I know. So, what's going to happen? Will Kel stay with Cleon? Will Joren ever be able to tell Kel the truth? And if he does, will Kel except him? I'll only update if you review!!! 


	5. Kel's Tears

A/N - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this chapter. Been really busy lately. Thanks to:

Linda, Gina, The Dark Lady Adrienne, Siren Porter, Serenity, Charlotte, Xanthe, Keita, and Cami of Queenscove

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Italics = Joren's thoughts

Ch.5 - Kel's Tears

Joren sighed as he stared down at his half completed mathematics assignment. _If only Kel were here to help me like she helped the others. Stop. Stop thinking about her! She isn't here, ok? She never was here and she never will be here so give it up already! _The pessimistic side of his mind ridiculed him. 

Joren allowed himself to agree. What was the point in arguing? Those thoughts were right. Kel had never been his. Well, she had been his punching bag, the object of his anger, but never really his. The arguments went back in forth in his mind. _And whose fault is that?_ One side asked. _All your own. Why did you have to be such a jerk? , _the other side answered. _My father taught me that's how women should be treated! She didn't belong in training! _The side retorted. _Don't give me that psycholigical crap! Quit blaming your father, you're the one who treated Kel the way you did. Like hell she didn't belong here, she is one of the most competent pages! _

The harsh side was right. His father wasn't the one who had treated Kel like dirt, he had. He had no one to blame but himself. _So, you're going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself? Or are you going to fix what you did and tell her how you feel? _ The answer was obvious. 

"What? They've set the date for the wedding?" Kel gasped.

"I'm afraid so, pearl of my heart. Look on the bright side, it's two years away," Cleon tried to comfort her.

"It might as well be two days," Kel replied bitterly. They sat in silence, the only sound being the birds chirping and a breeze fluttering the leaves in the spring sunshine as the two sat in a palace garden. "Cleon, we can't do this anymore. We can't keep pretending that you're not going to marry someone else, that there's still a chance we can be together. It'll just hurt more when we finally have to separate if we continue."

"Kel, don't say that. We still have two years!" Cleon pleaded.

"No, Cleon, we don't! We have to years of living in denial! I won't do that, I can't. It'll always be there, the fact that you're going to marry someone else. What's the point? That's two years where I could be finding someone else, someone who can commit to me."

"That's what you want? To find someone else?"

"What do you want me to do Cleon? Spend the rest of my life pining after you, a married man? What, you want to keep me as your mistress? Cleon, you already have someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I'll need that too. Someone who can give me a guarantee of a life together."

"But maybe, maybe I can get out of it! There must be some way to not marry the heiress and still save my people."

"Cleon, stop. These false hopes won't get us anywhere. You have to do your duty, I have to move on. It's over." With a gentle kiss, Kel left. 

Joren trudged slowly back to his room after dinner that night. He paused, listening to a quiet sound. He recognized it has someone crying. A girl. Curious, Joren peered into the garden. In the darkening dusk, he could barely make out the figure of a tall girl, sitting on a bench, her head in her hands, shoulders shaking. Feeling sensitive that evening, he decided to ask her what was wrong.

"Pardon me, lady. Are you all right?" he asked cautiously.

The girl groaned, turning her tear stained face to him. "Go away, Joren. Just leave me alone, ok?" 

Kel! What was she doing here? And why was she crying? "Kel? What are you doing here? Why are you crying?"

"Like you care," she retorted. 

"Come on, Kel, what's wrong?" he asked gently, sitting down beside her.

"Cleon, all right?" she mumbled.

"No, not all right. What did he do to you?" Joren asked, feeling anger rise at the thought of someone hurting Kel.

"We broke up, ok? He's getting married to someone else."

"And you're crying over it?"

"I know you don't have any feelings, Joren, but yes, it hurts. You wouldn't understand."

"Kel, I have never, in all the years that I've tortured you, seen you cry. You're like the bravest person I know. I made fun of you, I ridiculed you, I beat you up, and you never cried. Are you telling me that some jerk is worth your tears, when all the cruelty wasn't?"

"I know, Cleon and I probably wouldn't have lasted anyway." She wiped her face. "Why, why are you being nice to me?" she eyed him suspiciously, her thoughts distracted from Cleon.

"I…well…I care about you." Joren groaned silently, idiot!

Kel snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Kel, I'm serious. I just, I just didn't know how to tell."

Kel sobered. "That isn't funny Joren! You think you can play with me in my vulnerability? Use my weakness as more sport? Leave me alone!" she feld quickly, Joren too stunned to try and stop her.

Later in her room, Kel thought about what Joren had said. He cared about her? Did he really? Wait, what was she thinking? This was Joren, her hated enemy! Of course he didn't care about her! But, why was that sincere look in his stunning blue eyes still haunting her?

A/N - REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Inner Arguments

A/N - Thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed! Some of my other stories are feeling quite neglected, poor things. :::hint hint::: They think they are pretty good too, and I must agree. Anyway thank you to:

Crimsonfire, Arimel (I read your story!), Keita(thank you, I'm glad you're still interested in the story!), Cami of Queenscove(I'm updating, happy? And it didn't take me 2 months!)

The italics and bold are Kel and Joren arguing with themselves.

Ch. 6

Kel tried to stiffle a sigh as she stared down at her blank parchment. Who cares what Joren says? She had every right to cry over Cleon. He was her first love, and he was getting married to someone else for crying out loud! No pun intended. Why shouldn't she cry? And it wasn't Joren's business anyway, what she did or did not cry about. He was just being his usual sarcastic, insensitive self. Pretending to comfort her, when no doubt he was actually laughing at her weakness behind her back. Of course he was, why wouldn't he be? How amusing, the Lump brokenhearted over her lost love. 

But Joren wasn't right. Cleon was not a waste of her tears. _Oh yeah? Then why is it so hard to justify crying, if Joren isn't right?_ The annoying, always right part of her mind sneered at her**. Shut up! I'll cry if I damn well please! She retorted_. _**

And what about Joren, huh? Why was he trying to comfort you? **Because he's a jerk!** _Well, that makes sense**.**_ You know what I mean! He's just pretending, he's a good actor! _Oh really, that good of an actor? I've never seen a more sincere look of sympathy. _**So? That can be learned.** _And remorse._ **Remorse? Remorse about what?** _That he wasn't your first love. _Joren**? My first love? Yeah right, why would he want to be my first love? So he could be the one to break my heart?** _Because he cares about you. Deep down, he cares about you. But neither you or he will admit it to yourselves. It's quite sad. _ **Just shut up would you? I'm tired of arguing with you. **_Fine. The truth hurts. _**Grrrr! **

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She rejected me. _You let her. _**Oh, so it's my fault?** _Did you go after her? Did you try to explain, to tell her the truth?_ **Why, she thinks I'm just acting. **_You didn't do anything to change that way of thinking. Look, would you do everyone a favor and be honest with her? _**I thought I had. **_Well obviously you didn't get your point across!_

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What the hell am I doing here? She's never going to believe that I care about her, after all the crap I put her through. _You'll never know unless you try. Knock on the door, dingbat! Joren, don't make me come out there and beat the crap out of you. Knock! _** Well, here goes nothing. **

Who could be knocking at this hour?, Kel wondered. The knocking persisted until she opened the door. 

"Kel? Can I talk to you?"

A/N - hehehehe! Review!!! No Kel and Joren are not going insane. I have arguments like that in my head all the time, wait a minute! What are those men in white coats doing here!? No!!! I don't want to go back in the padded room! REVIEW before they finish strapping me into the strait jacket!


	7. Prove it

A/N - I'm fine, the men in white coats were gentle. The padded room isn't so bad, I still have Internet connection. Which means I can update! Yay! Sorry, the sedative hasn't kicked in yet. So I have about 10 minutes to write the next chapter before I go back to rocking in the corner and singing nursery rhymes. Thank you to:

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Cami of Queenscove: No they're not going to fall asleep in each other's arms! Ewww! Someone say "corny!" No, they're not going to have sex either, sorry. Kel may be on the rebound, but she's not that desperate.

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Arimel - thank you for the encouragement. You have arguments with the voices in your head too? The doctors say that we're the only ones who do, and that the little pills they keep feeding us will make us go away.

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Rainne- I hope the men in white coats don't get you too, and yes, poor Joren, he should have some of the pills they keep giving me. 

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Angel of the Storms - I never tried bouncing off the padded walls! Thanks! I tried, but the men in white coats keep pulling me down. Party poopers. 

Thanks also to: **Evilstrawberry, Cytosine**(I'll try more detail, I get so lost in getting the story done I forget the little things**), Keita, Tbiris, Shaz, and Bblond07 **and now onto the story.

Italics are Joren's thoughts, bold are Kel's

Ch.7

"What do you want, Joren?" Kel asked suspiciously.

"Are you going to make me say it in the hall?" he replied impatiently.

"Why? Something no one else can hear?" Without responding, Joren brushed past Kel into the room, closing the door behind him. Kel was about to protest, when he interuppted her.

"Kel, I don't hate you." _Stupid! Dumbass! What the hell was that? "I don't hate you?" Joren, you loser! _

"Oh really? And I suppose all the insults and the fighting was your way of showing me your deep fondness?" **Goddess, what is he doing here?**

"No, that was a way of hiding my insecurity and how threatened I was by you." _Real smooth, Joren, real smooth. _

"Then why are you telling me this now? After 4 years of torture, you've suddenly realized you don't hate me?" **Why am I so nervous?**

"I've always known," he replied simply.

"Known what?"

"That you belonged here. That you were a good page, would make a good knight." _Please believe me, please believe me. _"And…I'm…sorry."

An awkward silence settled in the room. Jump sat on the bed, patiently watching the two humans. "You're such a liar, Joren. You honestly expect me to believe you're sorry? After 4 years, you've suddenly realized your huge, resounding mistake? You've pulled this routine before, as I recall. It was crap then and it's crap now. Get out of my room before you get me in trouble." **It is crap, isn't it? Of course it is! What on Earth would his motivation be other than to try and get me to fall for this "I'm a changed person" line again and then turn around and pull some cruel stunt? Oh, and this is low. For a second there, I actually allowed myself to believe he could change.**

_No! I'm not going to let her continue thinking of me this way. I can change! _

"I've changed, Kel, whether you choose to believe it or not." He said opening the door.

"I don't choose to believe anything. I believe what is true. You've changed? Prove it."

"I will, Kel. You'll see, I promise. I'll make it up to you, and to everyone. I'll be good enough for you, one day." Joren heard no reply but the closing of the door. _I will prove it to her. One day, Kel will be mine. _

**Good enough for me? What does that mean? Surely he can't think we could ever be….a couple? Me and Joren? **Kel shook the thought off. She must be tired. **He's changed? Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it.**

A/N - Well, not much accomplished in that chapter. These padded walls must be starting to close in on me. Tune in next time, to find out how Joren will prove himself to Kel, and if he does, will she ever be able to trust him? Dun dun dun! Oh, the suspense! Back to the corner for us! 

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	8. Announcement

A/N - **Cami **- I'm sorry they didn't have sex. You know Kel, she never leaps into anything and I didn't think it would've fit into the story. Patience! All in good time, my friend! Joren must prove he's worthy. The flies are coming? Where!!?? Where!!?? Wait, I'm safe in my padded room, nice padded room with the locks on the outside and the men in white coats guarding the door with their stun guns. Fhew! I'm safe.

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Brooke Jaeman - I don't like this Deborah person. She freaked me out! I thought you actually hated my story! My little people, Agnes and Rufus were very upset. It took a while to explain to them that only part of you didn't like the story. And don't believe anything the men in white say. They said the pills would make Agnes and Rufus go away! **Keita - **Thanks for being such a faithful reviewer!

As always, italics are Joren's thoughts.

Ch.8

"Pages and squires, you have been called to this meeting for some urgent business. As you all know, the growing tensions with Scanra have reached a dangerous point. On direct orders from the king, all persons inlisted in the fighting service of the Crown have been ordered to the front. This will include those in training to be knights." 

Lord Wyldon's impressive words echoed in the dining hall as all the pages and squires listened with rapt attention. No one spoke as the training master paused in his speech to study his audience. "We will depart tomorrow morning. Bring only the necessities, and have your horses prepared by first bell. Have your weapons in top fighting condition."

A fierce chatter began amoung the young men(and woman) as Lord Wyldon took his place at his dinner table. 

"Real combat, first hand! Won't it be jolly?" Third year page Owen of Jesslaw beamed. (A/N -I'd almost forgotten there were other characters besides Joren and Kel) The others greeted the news with less enthusiasm.

"Well, I for one am dreadfully afraid of breaking a nail. Or mussing my hair!" joked Neal of Queenscove. 

"Neal, this is serious. It's war, you could at least treat it as such," Kel reprimanded him.

"Come, o serious dove of wisdom, the situation could use some cheering. I for one would hate to dirty my sword," Cleon added. Kel was stonily silent, marking the nickname. The others were quiet as well, all aware of the uneasy terms upon which their friends had ended the romantic relationship. 

"I still think it will be jolly," Owen remarked. After Owen's silence breaking remark, dinner took on a more comfortable mood, discussions on tactic and strategy being the main conversation. 

__

Could there be a better opportunity to prove to Kel that I have changed then to become a war hero? Wait, a war hero? How does that prove I've changed? The old Joren would've become a war hero for the pure glory of it. If I say I've only been a brave warrior for the spirit of serving Tortall, she'll think I'm lying again. Well, one way or another this is my chance to show her how I've changed! Better get packing.

A/N - I'm sorry this is such a short chapter. I promise I'll get a longer one done soon. Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, side effects from the medication, I'm afraid. 


	9. Battle

A/N – I am so sorry I haven't written in soooooo long. I've been so busy with school (retard that I am decided to take all honors classes), boyfriend, friends, etc. So my apologies! I hope all my loyal readers haven't abandoned me! Thank you so much for all the reviews. I know you don't want to hear all my personal thank-you's, so here's the story. I'm very sorry if the battle scene sucks, but I'll do my best. Enjoy! 

Ch. 9 

"Pages and squires! Pitch your tents here! This isn't a training mission, and I will not be inspecting your work. Do it right, or suffer the consequences. Assemble on the field in one hour." With Lord Wyldon's orders gruffly given, the youths scrambled to meet his demands within the allowed hour. 

As usual, Neal found it extremely difficult to pitch his tent, but instead of Lord Wyldon to stand over his shoulder, he had Kel. 

"Neal, that tent is going to collapse the second a breeze comes along. Fix it," Kel told him. He glared at her before re-staking his tent for the fifth time. As he did, an unusually cheerful Joren passed by, whistling, pausing to smile at the two before returning to his own tent. 

"Kel, do you know what's gotten into him? Do you think he's planning something? Is he that stupid, to be thinking about dirty tricks when we're at war?" Neal asked. Kel was still staring after their handsome classmate. "Kel? Are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Neal. I don't think he's up to his usual tricks, but something is definitely different."

"He's not the only one," Neal observed quietly. 

"What are you talking about?" Kel asked, as if she didn't already know. She was so transparent; any one could see there was something between Kel and Joren, something that hadn't been there before. Kel didn't trust it. Several times she has caught herself pondering Joren's words, about how he said he had changed. Well, were was the evidence behind that? If Joren really had changed, he'd show it. Kel was still deep in thought, and Neal as well wondering what was wrong with his friend, when they heard the shouting. 

"Scanrans! Scanrans! Man your battle stations! Archers, prepare your bows!" The shouts came out of no where, the Scanrans somehow having gone undiscovered until they were in plain view of the camp. 

Having just arrived, the squires and pages had no idea how to react. Lord Wyldon struggled frantically to get his charges into some semblance of order so as to be prepared to fight. Despite his years of battle experience, he was failing miserably to accomplish this task. There was complete chaos, soldiers hurrying to their assigned positions, amid the confusion caused by the pages who were either trying to find their weapons, bombarding Lord Wyldon with questions, and generally getting in the way. 

"Halt!" Lord Wyldon's voice cut above the noise and was immediately obeyed. "Pages, bow and arrows now! Squires, swords, shields and spears." The teenagers looked at him in awe before scurrying to obey. "Assemble behind the soldiers when you are prepared!"

The Scanrans were coming into arrow range as the trainees took their places. Kel, shield in hand, glanced down the line to where Joren was grimly looking ahead toward the enemy. His face was set and determined, but he looked as gorgeous as ever. **Kel! What are you thinking? You're about to fight your first real battle and you're thinking about how gorgeous Joren is? Focus!!!!**

"Archers! At your ready!" the commander warned. "Swords and spears hold your positions!" 

These Scanrans were not just a raiding party; this was an army, ready for war. Kel gripped her sword hilt hard, gulped, and steeled herself for what was to come. The Scanrans were fast approaching. "Archers! Loose your arrows now!" A rainfall of arrow descended upon the Scanrans. Many fell, but still more continued on their path toward the awaiting Tortallans. 

"Charge!" the scream came, and in reply many more as the defending army surged forward with fury. Man on man battle began, Tortallans and Scanrans alike falling.

Kel barely had time to think before a huge, grinning Scanran was bearing down on her. She raised her sword to block the crushing blow, recovering to strike one of her own. After the Scanran fell to the ground, mortally wounded, it suddenly occurred to Kel that this was what combat was really like, not at all like the practice Lord Wyldon had given them. The thought flew as yet another hulking Scanran approached her, his crude axe raised for the kill. Kel defeated this one as well. The fighting continued, growing fiercer by the moment. Kel was too busy defending herself to notice Joren fighting only a few feet away. 

Even as he battled the Scanrans, the thought of proving himself never strayed far from his mind. Glancing over to where Kel fought, he saw what she didn't. As she dueled intently with a Scanran, one of his compatriots was swiftly approaching Kel from behind. "Kel!" burst from Joren's throat as the attacker raised his ax…..

  
A/N – Hee he he, I'm evil, I know, I don't update forever and then I leave you hanging! I do so enjoy it though. I PROMISE I'll update soon, that is, if you REVIEW!!!!!!


	10. Life Saver

A/N - I'm so sorry this has taken me forever to write! Please forgive me!(sobs, falls to knees and pleads for forgiveness) Blame it on the men in white coats! Anyway..  
Ch. 10  
Joren didn't even realize what had happened until he looked down to see Kel staring at him from where she lay on the ground and two Scanrans dead at his feet. Kel jumped to her feet, retrieved her sword and continued fighting as though nothing has happened.  
Joren too, has little time to contemplate what had just happened. The motions of diving and knocking Kel to the ground, then fighting the two Scanrans as Kel watched on in shock were a blur in his mind. As the battle ended, the Scanrans that were still mobile removing themselves quickly back to where they had come from, not bothering to check for injured or collect their dead.  
The Tortallans were not done with the battle as of yet either. There were wounded to care for, theirs the and the enemies that were now prisoners of war, gathering the bodies of the dead and disposing them, either somehow getting them back to their families or burning them in huge funeral pyres.  
Miraculously none of the pages or squires had lost their lives in the bloody struggle. Many had various minor injuries, and a few had ones that required them to retire in the makeshift hospital for several days. All through the long days of cleanup, Kel avoided Joren. Noticeably. While taking a break from helping the healers, Neal commented on it.  
"Kel, what happened during the battle?"  
"You were there, Neal, what do you mean what happened? We fought the Scanrans, we won, they retreated."  
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it," he replied.  
"You know Neal, I've told you before I get things a lot faster when people just tell me what they're talking about," she answered with attitude.  
"I'm talking about you and Joren. What happened? You've been trying even harder to avoid him."  
"What? No, I haven't," although she knew it was pointless to lie to Neal, she gave it a shot anyway.  
"Kel, give it up and tell me what happened. You know you're not a good liar." He knows me too well, she thought.  
"He.he saved my life. During the battle."  
"What? Joren, slimy, sleazy, prejudiced, cruel, evil Joren, that Joren, saved your life?" Neal stared at her in disbelief. Kel shook her head.  
"I know. Look, before we left Joren fed me that whole "I've changed" line and he said he'd prove it to me. And then he saved my life. What does it mean? Has he really changed?" Kel asked.  
Neal shook his head. "I really don't know. I never know what to expect from that one. Just keep an eye out."  
  
A/N - I know nothing happened in this chapter, but it's just setting up for what's going to happen next, because if I continued this chapter it'd be really long. 


	11. Confrontation

Ch.11 Confrontation  
  
"Kel, we need to talk," a masculine voice seemed to appear out of nowhere from above her. Kel started, glancing up quickly to see Joren staring down at her. She dropped the polishing cloth and shield and stood to face him  
  
"Joren, I don't have time for this," she sighed, hoping desperately he'd take the hint and leave her alone.   
  
"Bullshit. You can see yourself in that shield."  
  
"Fine. What do you want?"  
  
"Have I proven myself yet?" he asked.  
  
"That depends. What are you trying to prove?"  
  
"I'm trying to prove that I do have some redeeming qualities and that I'm not the horrible person you think I am. Kel, I just want you to believe that I have changed. Just tell me one thing. Could that ever happen?"  
  
Kel didn't know why, but her heart was pounding. She wanted to believe him. "I don't know," she finally answered. "Gods, Joren, you tortured me! You made me think I couldn't achieve my dream! Do you know what that feels like? To have someone step all over the only thing you ever wanted? Do you even feel at all?" the words burst out in an extremely un-Kel like fashion.   
  
"You don't even know what the hell you're talking about! Poor little Kel, always the victim, the only person in the whole fucking world that has had to overcome anything. You don't know jack shit about me and why I am the way I am. It's never enough for you, is it? Is it that you really can't forgive me? Or is it you just love being the one in pain? Really helps your hero image, huh Kel? All the evil people trying to tear you down and you rising up? Maybe you won't forgive me because then you'd have one less person to fight!" He ended abruptly and walked away.   
  
Kel had no chance to reply, not that she knew what to say. Was Joren right? Was she really fighting for the sake of fighting? 


	12. Mission

A/N – I know I haven't written in forever, I've been really busy. Hopefully now that it's summer I'll have more time. Also I've had a little (actually, huge) case of writer's block with where to go in this story. So, here goes.

                                                Ch.12

          "You sent for me, Lord Wyldon?" Kel bowed low before the training master.

          "I did. Please sit," he motioned to a chair in front of the desk in his makeshift office, the tent which also served as his room. "I am awaiting two more people."

Kel shifted anxiously in her seat, her face however, masking her desire to know why he had summoned her. Kel's breath caught in her throat as the tent flap opened to admit, of all people, Joren. He was followed directly by Cleon. Both were seated in the chairs Lord Wyldon waved them to.

"I have summoned you here to inform you of a scouting mission the three of you will undertake. Renegade bands of Scanrans have been reported by nearby settlements. We need to know their positions as well as arms and population. Under normal circumstances, actual scouts or knights would be assigned to this task, however, they are all engaged on more important tasks, therefore I was asked to pick the most capable of my wards. All three of you posess the skills, or so I believe, to do this quickly and with little incident." He stopped, looking each in the face, as if trying to judge by their reactions whether he had made the correct decision. "You leave tomorrow at dawn." He handed each of them a map, then began to study other papers on his desk. The three understood his dismissal.

Outside the tent, they stood in awkward silence. Cleon was the first to depart, muttering something about packing. Kel looked up to meet Joren's ice blue eyes, aware that he had something to say.

"Kel…About what I said…I mean… I'm sorry…"

"No, don't apologize. I think that was probably the first time you've been honest with me!" Kel gave a shaky smile. Joren blinked, hardly expecting a comment such as that.  "Joren, I guess you were right somehow. I don't want to forgive you, and I don't want to think that you could've changed. But I will. Until you give me a reason to doubt you, I will believe that you are different. Truce?"

Kel put out her hand, expecting him to shake it. Instead, he pressed it to his lips, then, he whispered "Truce." Dropping her hand, he now gently touched his lips to her cheek. "Until tomorrow," he said quietly, turning to his own tent.

A/N – So, that just popped out of nowhere, but should be interesting, huh? REVIEW!


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